Dear Easter

Dear Easter,
 I am Catholic, well I don't exactly know the last time I went to an actual physical church but if I had to claim a religion that's the one I'd claim. Your such a nice holiday religiously and corporately, one I day I even plan on making a yearly drunken Easter egg hunt a tradition. I would only do it to celebrate your pastel greatness. But there is one issue I have with you and no it is not creepy people in bunny outfits. My issue is the candy, you hands down have the best selection of candy out of all the other holidays even Halloween! You not only have a large selection of Jelly beans but you have chocolate in cute shapes, Sweetarts shaped like bunnies, and Cadbury eggs that must be sprinkled with crack. I have come to the conclusion, this is after consuming too many bags of Sweetart Jellybeans, candy tastes the best when it is either bunny shaped or pastel colored. Your just playing with rules that nobody can beat and you sabotaging my summer workout plan. Thank goodness your yearly run is almost up because I am having trouble avoiding you in grocery stores.
Signed a future former Easter candyholic,
A-Fon

Pretty sure these have crack in them!!

Dear Future/Current Parents

Dear Future/Current Parents,
 What is the number one question that somebody gets asked when they are introduced to someone they've never met before? The answer to this question would be what is their name. Now all future parents when the time comes to name your awesome new child who you love more then life itself please do me a favor and don't name it something stupid. Now all current parents if you have already named your child something stupid then do them a huge favor and have their name legally changed before it scars them anymore then it already has. If you have trouble telling whether a name is stupid or not please ask somebody outside of your immediate family because odds are your family members will have the same bad taste that you do. If you are looking for some possible examples of terrible/stupid/ghetto names I have plenty. Do not name your child Mi'Luv, J'Harmony, Marnika, Tyshelle, Naqiyyah, Sha' Quillia, Courvoisier, Keviyanna, or Princess. I am sorry to tell you guys all these names are taken already. But back to the lesson at hand, let me give you some child naming guidelines.
1. Do not use any punctuation in the actual spelling.(No ' or -)
2. Do not just add -yah,-illia,-ika,-nia,-ita,-sha or -anna to the end of some random word
3. Do not use more then 9 letters unless it is of some native origin. (By native I mean you better be from Africa and not New Jersey)
4. Do not get your inspiration from any foods or liquor.
5. Do not and I repeat do not name them something that you yourself can't even pronounce.
I am just sending this letter out to help rid the world of ghetto baby names. In case you were wondering none of our future presidents will be named Denene or Jazzita.
Coalition against Ghetto Baby Names member,
A-Fon

Just in case more information is needed on this subject I have included a short informative video below.

Dear Mayans

Dear Mayans,
 First off do you prefer to be called Mayans? The people of Maya? Mayanese? Mayanican?.....I think I will stick with calling you Mayans because it flows the best. Now I would like to congratulate you for being one of the most advance early civilizations with your written language and impressive art you deserve the title. Now I don't want to cast a shadow on your accomplishments by questioning them but I do have a slight issue with your calendar. On December 21, 2012 I plan to be finished Christmas shopping and working on an amazing New Year's Eve celebration but your kind of raining on my parade. Do you really think the entire world is going to just cease to exist in 2012 or were you guys just wanting to play a little joke? Since I was around during Y2K I don't put much weight on crazy end of the world predictions so I am going to continue as normal. Personally I just think after making a 5, 125 year calendar you guys got a little tired and decide 2012 would be a good place to stop. But I guess we will all see in about a year or so if you were really extremely psychic or just exhausted.
Hoping to see 2013,
A-Fon

Dear Autotune

Dear Autotune,
 Ok at first I liked you, at first I will admit there were some nights when I hit the dance floor to you without shame. But that was 2005 this is 2011 and it is time we had a talk. The music industry is saturated by you to the point that it would be harder for me to name a current song that doesn't use you then it would be to name one that does. I am starting to get worried that people 50 years from now will listen back to our music and think we all talk like robots. Just when I thought your presence couldn't get anymore annoying you go and partner up with techno beats! Seriously?! You need to chill a bit and let people who can carry a tune sing and let the ones that can't stop singing. If I was Milli Vanilli I'd demand my Grammy back because there are tons of more people today doing the same thing they did and some are doing it worse. Everything is good in small doses so I think you should go into hibernation for awhile then when you come back nice and rested you won't be annoying. So let's all follow Jay-Z's lead and call for the death of autotune.
T-Pain told me to write this,
A-Fon

 Jay-Z said

I know we facing a recession

But the music y'all making going make it the great depression
All y'all lack aggression......

Dear Chris Brown

Dear Chris Brown,
  I don't know if you realize this but your looking a little crazy. If your point was to prove to everyone what we already know then you have succeeded in reminding us of your anger issues. Most of the critics and celebs have already said your cd is good so if your Good Morning America tirade was a publicity stunt then your an idiot. People tend to not like angry people really they kind of avoid them. So some advice you might want to follow, step 1. try not to break anymore windows in a wild outburst and step 2. take a picture with a baby to soften the image a bit and step 3. when you attend anger management classes actually try to learn something. Oh and the whole blonde hair look really is not working for you.
Signed a fan of windows,
A-Fon

Awww see how nice you look there :)

Dear douches who make computer viruses

Dear douches who make computer viruses,
    I would like you to know that you pretty much suck. I am glad that you are probably lounging on a beach somewhere getting money out of your Swiss bank account letting the people you are stealing money from support you. I am going to go out on a limb here and say if you are smart enough to write a computer program that infects computers and forces people (well people who don't know its a virus because at first I really debated paying the 70 dollars because I thought my hard drive really was screwed up) to send you money then you are smart enough to work for Microsoft. Here a little bit of advice from me to you, go to school and get a real job. I am sure you saw Bernie Madoff go to prison so realize there is room in there for you too, just because your hands aren't getting dirty doesn't make it legal. Use your power for good not evil!
That is all,
AFon

Helllloooo Blogspot did you miss me?!

I am back in action and ready to start blogging away. I haven't posted in months because my computer was assaulted by a virus leaving me with few options to get my posts out. But problem solved so I am officially back in the game! Tomorrow brings a new post most likely a nice pleasant letter to computer viruses because they suck!